This is a post I have been meaning to write for a while now
and as I am finally finishing college I figured this is as good a time as any.
I have never been a confident person but for some reason
when I started college I started to crawl back into myself even more. I kept to
my close friendship group and didn’t talk to many people in my classes. I don’t
regret this exactly because, although I don’t have a thriving social life or
people begging for my number, I do have some of the loveliest friends who I can
count on for anything.
Over the past two years I have started to realise that
unless you put yourself out there you are never going to get noticed, I personally
would rather not be the centre of attention however I do feel my ‘social
awkwardness’ is getting too much. I say ‘social awkwardness’ because it is the
only way I can think to explain it. A lot of the time I make excuses not to go
out with friends because I feel I don’t actually fit in or that I’m just going
to ruin everyone else’s fun, and when I do actually go out I often have to
force myself to actually go. I find it hard to talk to new people and worry
about what they are going to think of me and therefore because of this I rarely
talk to people outside of my friendship group and when I do I always manage to embarrass
myself of make the other person feel awkward (hence why I don’t talk to many
people in classes).
Although I am probably a prime target for all kinds of peer
pressure and bullying etc I have never been a victim of it and I think this is
because I stick to what I believe in and know that no matter how hard anyone
tries to change the way I am, at the end of the day it is my life and I am the
only one who can control it. I try to put a front on where it seems like I don’t
care what people think of me when in all honesty I do care, who doesn’t? But
90% of the time I just come across as a snotty, spoilt brat.
So I have decided that if I ever want to get anywhere in
life I have to start ‘putting myself out there’. I say this all the time but I’ve
realised, for anyone else to see you as who you are you need to be completely
sure of it yourself (cheesy I know).
As I said before I have wanted to do a blog post about this
for quite a while now I just didn’t know how to put my thoughts into words – I still
don’t, which is shown by the way this probably makes absolutely no sense to
anyone but me – but a video from a youtuber called ‘DeeFizzy’ was definitely
the final push for me to write it. Damon, like every young person, struggles
with confidence issues yet he has still made something of himself and pushes
himself to be as happy as he can be. I have put his video below for anyone who
reads this to watch. There won’t be many readers but I want those who do read
it to realise that no matter what their problems with themselves are that
everyone goes through tough times and no one is completely happy with
themselves. The only way to get by in life and to be happy is to accept
yourself for who you are and if you aren’t happy with that then make changes
but make sure these are only for you and not influenced by anyone else.
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